I live most happily in the sun. It feeds my emotional balance and is somehow a requirement for me to live. I would die without the day times of my life. Working at night, thinking at night, even smiling during the darkest of night cannot happen for me.
When the night crawls up on my doorstep, I quit seeing and feeling. I must hide in a place where it cannot find me. Creatures both big and small know where I live and come to seek me out. I feel that those I love are in danger and will somehow never return home.
When the clock strikes, midnight I crawl under something… a blanket, a mattress, a bed, and wait holding my breath afraid of demons and devils. I sing “You Are My Sunshine” in harmony with myself and try to visualize the sparkling water, clear and clean.
At stroke of three, I hear the first bird of day chirp and I know I will live but I fear for a bird that would not know that day is hours away. Is it lost or hurt or confused? I peek just once to see if the sun is close to the horizon.
The clock is my enemy moving at a creeping pace and I walk down the stairs to stop the pendulum. I will not listen to the ticking toward my death. Night will suck all that is joyful and happy from my soul and when the day does finally come I will be empty eyed and without a whisper of hope.
a phrase that is suppose to give comfort. But for me it says that when I think it is as bad as it can be, it will be worse, dimmer, less even than before.
Night is not my friend…it never enfolds me in restful sleep, it never calms me with cool breezes and nighttime song bird. Night is to be endured, survived and left behind.