Grandma’s "Keep the Grandchildren Safe List" OR "Never let children play with hammers!"

Brayden peeking
around the iphone
at Grandma Barbara


October 1, 2008


My daughter and I had a discussion the other day about what Mothers should share with their children about safety issues for children. It reminds me of all those horror stories that the matriarchs of days gone by told women when they were pregnant. Grandmothers do the same thing…we want to tell about every accident that can or will happen. Then when the child is wounded we like to say I told you so. I know that all mothers and grandmothers know what I am talking about.

I happen to be one of those people that deliberate about whether the knives should be placed blade up in the dishwasher or not. I trip and fall a lot…clumsy is what I am. The mop pail is never left unguarded when there is a crawling or toddling baby in the house. While I do want to nourish my children’s independence and try to increase their self confidence, I wish they could understand that I know a lot of bad things that can happen. I have seen, heard and experience a great deal. So where do I draw the line between what I think my children can be left to figure out themselves and what I need to point out? I am keeping in mind that they would prefer that I were just quiet and trusted their judgment. They don’t want me intervening ever. It’s hard being a grandmother, really hard.

So I thought I might make a list…a keep my grandchildren safe list of my very own and let you add or comment as you see fit. Here they are:

  • Don’t teach you child to unlock the door. (My husband did this.)
  • Add a second lock really high on the door and keep it locked. (My daughter escaped during what was suppose to be nap time.)
  • Lock up a wandering dog. If your child escapes they will probably follow the dog. (This happened too.)
  • Wear straight hair. (Granddaughter burned on curling iron. She decided to curl her own hair at the age of 2))
  • Don’t take pills. (Grandson took dad’s pills. It was not fun to have his stomach pumped and scared his father half to death.)
  • Hide the airplane glue…children will eat it along with poop and soap. ( My son did this!)
  • Don’t let children play with hammers! OR Teach children that throwing a hammer in the air means it will come down…on their head probably. (Son did this too.)
  • Always wear shoes when climbing tree. (Granddaughter-broken nose)
  • Always wear shoes always. (slivers of glass in heel. Sock will not work…glass can go through and besides you ruin the socks right away.)
  • Get the HANDS IN recording for all car doors. (Smashed body parts can ruin a vacation even. The children with the smashed body parts obeyed without question.)
  • Never teach your child how to turn the water on and off. I guess this should be obvious but we get carried away with our teaching skills. (My husband did this. TOO.)
  • Always keep a mop handy. (See above.)
  • Babies and water just don’t go together. If I were to have another baby I would not bath them until they were seven. That’s why we have the dog.

Let me just recap. You will need a mop, no hammers, no curling irons or trees, a closet full of shoes and a drawer full of socks, a lock mounted high on the door, dog leashes, and child safety lids for pills that reapply themselves. I don’t know what you are going to do about the husband. I’ll just have to leave that one alone.



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